Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Anxiety * Stress

I know I am not the first person in the world to be stressed out by work, life, etc.
I am a worrier or nervous person by nature, but I try really hard to curb those feelings.
One thing I haven't been able to control over the last year is stress.
Life in general is stressful.
Marriage is stressful.
Being a mom is stressful.
Owning your own business is stressful.
Trying to maintain friendships is stressful.

Over the last year and a half my role at our office has completely changed.
My job has always been slightly stressful due to the nature of our business, but at the end of the day I didn't think about it.
I went home, made dinner, worked out, did the nightly routine with X, etc.
Nowadays I feel like I am drowning at work.
I just can't keep up.
I still do A LOT of what I did in my old position, but also do A LOT more in my new position.
All the stuff that needs to be compliant.
Which in turn stresses me out even more.
We also don't have regular business hours.
Yes, I am typically at the office between 9-4:30 pm most days, but Mic's schedule is appointment based.
Meaning he may start his day as early as 6 am and not get home until after 11 pm!
So then you add the single parent element into the mix at least a couple of nights a week :/

I am stressed out of my friendships as well.
I am in this odd place right now where I don't feel like I totally fit in with my friends here, but I have changed just enough that I don't feel like I fit in with my friends in my hometown either.

On top of that, in the last few months I have experienced an extreme weight gain.
I am talking 15-20 lbs!
I have been working out at least 5 days a week and being extremely mindful of what I have been eating for months.
I haven't lost a single pound or inch anywhere!
Of course this situation adds to my stress, because none of my clothes fit.
I was so depressed about it one day that I even took a pregnancy test!
While a pregnancy would not be ideal right now, I almost hoped it were true to explain it all.
It was negative.
Then the stress hit me more because I had no idea what was going on.

I have had it.

Fast forward to this past week...

 I believe I had an anxiety attack.
I have never had one or anything like it before.
I wasn't in a stressful situation either.
I just came home from a Norwex party at a friend's house.
I was on the phone with my dad when I parked my car in the garage.
All non stressful things.

And then it hit me.
I had a deep, severe pain in my chest.
It immediately brought tears to my eyes and continued to get worse for about 10-15 minutes before finally easing up.
X thought I was having a heart attack.
Mic thought I might be having an anxiety attack.
The pain gradually turned into a soreness, but then a tightness throughout my abdomen was there until early the next morning.

Is that anxiety or panic attack?
I have no idea.

I just know that I don't ever want to feel that way again!
I actually have an appointment with my family doctor this week so I am hoping to get blood work done, and whatever else is needed to help figure this out.

I also want to thank all of you for being here.
This was so much easier to talk about on the blog with all of you.

Have you ever experienced an anxiety or panic attack?
How do you handle it?

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